I’m Engaged to a Married Man

I’m Engaged to a Married Man

Scandalous! I thought, when an acquaintance of mine came to me with news that she was dating a married man. First, I asked if she was serious or if this was some kind of joke. “Dead serious,” she said. “Why?” I asked. “Cause all the good ones are taken,” she replied. Mind blown! If his ass is so damned good, why was he cheating on his wife?

My second reaction was to ask her if she had lost her ever-loving mind. She claimed she hadn’t and said that she had met this guy a couple of months back and that it had started out casually, as just a “booty call” thing to get her itch scratched, but that along the way, she’d discovered that this man was her soulmate. “Your soulmate”? I questioned. She went on to explain that her new man was in a dead-end marriage and that his wife didn’t appreciate him. They were only staying together for the kids and that they even slept in separate bedrooms. I asked her how she knew this, and she said that he’d told her. Oh, and because men never lie, I guessed that made it legit.

I’ve worked hard over my lifetime, and doubly hard in recent years, to let people live their lives and refrain from judgement, being fully aware of the bones buried not so deep in my own backyard. But, I’ve got to tell you that I wanted to shake this girl until I heard the shit that was clearly loose in her head start to move around back to its rightful positioning. I didn’t. I simply cautioned her to be careful because this could explode right in her face and leave her heart in a million tiny pieces. I also advised her to rethink her decision and try showing some empathy to another woman and to also ponder whether she’d want someone to do the same thing to her and her children.

I’d like to tell you she took my advice and found her a single, detached, less-trifling man of her own, but that ain’t how shit went down. Several months later, when I saw her again, she was wearing an engagement ring. Da fuck? I wanted to believe that maybe, in the span of three months, she’d met a new guy, felt an instant connection and fell hopelessly in love—like in the fairytales in children’s books. Nope. She announced that her soulmate was leaving his wife for her and that he they were going to marry. “So, wait a minute. He’s leaving his wife, meaning he hasn’t left yet?” I say. “Oh, don’t worry about that. He’s just waiting for the right time to tell her and the kids. It’ll be soon.

Soon turned into eventually, and eventually into NEVER. By the following summer, not only had he broken things off with her, the bastard hadn’t even had the courage to do it in-person. While she’d been busying herself making plans for their wedding that was supposed to happen in the upcoming Fall once his divorce was final, he was making plans to abscond with his family. That’s right, he vanished like a damn fart in the wind. She was too embarrassed to tell anyone for months, but I later found out through a mutual friend that her “soulmate” had moved across the country with his family. His wife had discovered his infidelity with multiple women and had given him an ultimatum—move away or it’s over. He’d chosen to pack up, move and get a fresh start with wife and kids. Oh, and I forgot the best part: He posted the move on Facebook! And that was the end.

Feel free to live your life as you choose because I’m still not judging. However, you can never expect to find your happily ever after by taking away someone else’s. As much as we might like to believe that we can change a man or make him happier than another woman can, the truth is, we can’t. Not for long, anyway. A man that lies, cheats and manipulates women isn’t a man worth having, anyway. And if you do “get” him, is he ever truly all yours? Or does a part of him still belong to his “ex”? Or is he already fooling around with his next? I know that someone will say that they have a successful relationship that started out with an affair, but are you confident in what you have and its ability to last?

The takeaway is this: Don’t sell yourself short with the misconception that a piece of a man is better than no man at all. It says that you don’t think highly enough of yourself to believe that you deserve the whole thing. A good man is an honest man; not a serial cheater or a womanizer. Demand more for yourself and don’t settle for anything less.

2 thoughts on “I’m Engaged to a Married Man

  1. This article really helps. I’m in a similar situation. We’ve been engaged for a year and five months. A few months ago I discovered that he went to a wedding with his “ex”. Her brother’s wedding. I also discovered wedding pictures and they look real cozy. I’m still deciding what I’m ultimately going to do….

    1. Sorry for the late reply. I have been running my other business and let me blog go by the wayside. I hate that this has happened to you. Do you have any updates since this happened? I would love to hear about it. I hope it all works out.

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